The Pathology Of Pathological Liars

George "Jane Doe" Santos

George Santos Has Camel Toe. Is There Something Else We Don’t Know? (Georgina Santos?)

The media won’t stop blabbering about George Santos, whom I have dubbed “Jane Doe” in the event, he ends up in the river, and there is no way to verify his true identity. But after Sybil (my other nickname for him/her) spewed the latest set of lies about his/her athletic prowess, I was reminded of a story from my youth where I encountered a pathological liar. Thinking back on the experience, it had all the makings of a horror film. Let’s face it; it’s people like George Santos with multiple personality disorders who have lost all sense of their true selves and are likelier to brandish a gun and kill with abandon. “Jesus made me do it.”

In my senior year of high school, some friends wanted to go to Miami for Spring Break. My neighbor David enrolled the class nerd, Mikey, who had just gotten a brand new Pontiac Firebird to drive us there and back. Mikey’s parents clearly spoiled him because they realized he was a nerd. The road trip from New Jersey to Miami Beach kicked off without a hitch, except for the fact that my mother handed me eleven dollars and said, “Have a great time.” Fortunately, my dad had better sense and handed me several hundred.

Down the New Jersey Turnpike, we went. David and Mark, the other friend on the journey, nodded out by Exit 14. But when we hit Delaware, I realized Mikey had not stopped talking. His fantastical stories were beginning to sound lofty and, at times, made no sense. Exaggerations about family wealth, connections to politicians and celebrities, and even his sexual exploits sounded like a smorgasbord of bullshit. Suffice it to say, the worst part of all this was that Steve had the dreaded Talking Disease (TD), which proved to be the scariest part of this whole situation. The guys finally woke up and, in no time, realized we were dealing with a psycho. We were being held captive by a pathological liar with eighteen more hours to go. Who knows if he was crazy enough to drive us off the road and over a cliff? We started challenging Mikey’s nonsensical delusions of grandeur; arguments ensued until he finally shut up. The last eight hours of the trip, that long-ass stretch being the state of Florida, were in total silence. A vast improvement.

This brings me back to George Anthony Devolder Santos or Georgina (see above image caption) for all due purposes. What Mikey and Georgina have in common is the pathology of pathological liars. Mikey’s imagined “sex-polits” and Georgina’s delusions of being a volleyball champion with two new knees have that same eerie quality that you just know they are full of shit as the words spew from their lips. Not that I want to study these sick bitches. But since pathological lying is not a recognized condition, there are no formal treatments for it. However, pathological lying may indicate an underlying condition that a doctor can help with, such as a personality disorder. Left unchecked, this illness, and/or TD (Talking Disease), can lead to terrible outcomes, like being voted into Congress. And worse, which already happened in the case of that Gross Baboon, Donald J. Trump, the sicko who was the President of the United States.

As for Mikey, I can only hope that he lived happily ever after. But then again…